Codependency: Living in the Gray

I talk about living in the gray very often to my clients. Codependent behaviors can present in an all-or-nothing/black-or-white/now-or-never fashion: either we all go or none of us goes; either we re-do the entire room or forget the whole thing; either I stay at work until everything is completed or I put things off until I can do them completely.

I have highlighted the extreme words above, because my experience with my codependent behaviors is that if I am not working my program, I opt for the extremes of all, entire, and everything. Living in the gray means learning how to do some things but not all at once, learning how to function even if everyone doesn’t want to do the same thing, learning how to be grateful for what has been accomplished and not resentful for what hasn’t.

Sitting in my chair in my office sharing these treatment ideas with clients is easier than practicing it out here in the world. No surprise.

Last night I had a book event at the Barnes & Noble at Concord Mall in Wilmington, DE. Once again, I was greeted with a warm welcome by the staff as well as a book table set-up right inside the front door with a large poster announcing my signing at 6pm. A dream-come-true: I am walking into a Barnes & Noble and they are selling my book!

Now here’s where living in the gray comes in. I cannot expect to sell all my books. I cannot expect everyone who stops and talks to me at the table to all buy a copy of the book. I cannot expect everyone to understand the book as I know it. I cannot expect everyone to agree with me. I cannot make everyone stop at my table and for all to proclaim that this is the book that can change the world.

Instead, I remind my self to show up, do my part, celebrate what is, and let go of what I cannot control to my higher power. This is living in the gray. This is where my peace lives.