Prior to flying out of Dulles in Washington, DC

Friday, February 16, 2018

I am not a great flyer. In fact, I can be quite anxious about flying. I don't fly often, but I have learned various ways to manage/not join my anxiety when in an airplane at 30,000+ feet. Sudoku puzzles help me a great deal, and I had one close-at-hand as we settled into our seats for my first trans-Atlantic flight.

With all of the data in front of me about our soon-to-be-flight, something in me shifted from anxiety to joining this great adventure. Recently I have been realizing that the work I have been doing on my own behalf all these years may in fact really have changed my neural pathways, just as neuroscience is telling us. More on that at another time. The point here is that I was not anxious. I was present and ready to be where I was: on an airplane in flight.

Our flight was through the night. So after they served us our late meal, the plane lights were dimmed and we were "put to bed" to have our "airplane sleep," as someone described it to me. I rested in 30-45 minute blocks of time, waking to rearrange myself, drink a little water, and drowse back off.

Sometime late in the night, in some time zone well east of the US and miles above the north Atlantic Ocean, I woke. The plane was silent with its sleepers and device-watchers here-and-there. As I looked out of the window by my seat, I saw a sliver of a moon hanging in a familiar way in the distant sky. I smiled at what a lovely jewel I was seeing. I felt closer to the moon than ever and simultaneously further than ever from all that I know.

Here was this constant object - the moon - holding me in place while I was being catapulted through the sky to a foreign country.

We all share the moon. We all know the moon and its phases. The moon that we see in the US is the same as the one in the UK. We are all on one world. We may have different languages, traditions, governments, but we are connected by the natural world and its wonders.

I appreciated that waning crescent moon that night. I appreciated the way it connected me to the familiar in the midst of the strange. And I appreciated that my mindful presence allowed me to take all of this in.

Today as I write this blog, I Googled what was the moon's stage that night, and here is what it says:

Friday, January 12, 2018
Waning Crescent
Illumination: 18%


On this day the Moon was in a Waning Crescent phase. In this phase the Moon’s illumination is growing smaller each day until the New Moon. During this phase the Moon is getting closer to the Sun as viewed from Earth and the night side of the Moon is facing the Earth with only a small edge of the Moon being illuminated. This phase is best viewed an hour or 2 before the sunrise and can be quite beautiful if you're willing to get up early. It can also be a great time to see the features of the Moon's surface. Along the edge where the illuminated portion meets the dark side, the craters and mountains cast long shadows making them easier to observe with a telescope or binoculars.

What stage is the moon in tonight? Will I get to see it and appreciate it?

Wherever you may be on our Earth, it is good to remember that we all share this same, precious moon and the experience of its presence.

Next: "shapeless without technique"



Sunday, February 11,  2018

As I packed to go to England, I considered taking a large book with me which I am reading in preparation for some new writing. I imagined having time to work on this new project in between things as we traveled.

Fortunately, I came to my senses and realized that was not what I wanted to do. The size of the book alone was a ridiculous item to add to my suitcase traveling through airports and customs and trains. That's what stopped me first - the size of the book.

Then, I realized I did not want to be thinking and writing about things which I carry with me from my work and life. I did not want to spend my time and present moments traveling in brand new places with mental ideas, concepts, and preoccupations which I was importing from America. I realized I wanted to let new thoughts and experiences in as fully as possible. I realized I wanted to be present to my unfolding trip and take in some new input - whatever that might be.

The input did not have to be in specific categories or related to anything I am working on or have in mind. The input was to be what came to me in any moment as I was on this journey with Grace.

Grace was aware of this Input (restorative) plan. I carried a small blank notebook with me, and sometime during most days, I made a note or two about what I was noticing. Sometimes we both commented that a particular sentence or experience we shared was Input: "Wandering through St. James Park;" "It's a good day to wear the same clothes as yesterday;" "There's a limited amount of daylight."

The subtitle of this piece of writing is (restorative). The more I am in the present moment, the fresher I can become. New experiences enrich. I want to really let them in, to seep in as I say, and to let them help me to grow in all ways.

Are you carrying around any large books that are keeping you from the input of the present moment?

In the following blogs, I will be writing a brief essay on each of the Input (restorative). I look forward to learning what I have to say about them and sharing those experiences with you.

Next: Input (restorative): "In flight; slivered moon"

In flight from Dulles to Heathrow
At the Roman Baths in Bath, England

At the Apollo Victoria to see "Wicked"


Sunday, February 4, 2018

I know. I have been away from blogging for a very long while. I don't quite know what to say about that. I do have things to share with you. I think of writing here, and then I don't.

I find that can be the way with self-care: I think of doing it, and then I don't.

Awareness + intentional action are everything.

So here I am - back from an amazing first-in-my-lifetime trip to England with my dear daughter, Grace, the same one you hear me speak of in my books. Now 29-years-old, Grace is quite a world traveler and invited me to join her on this working/traveling trip. So I moved through many of the things that hold me in place and keep me from growing more fully and got my first passport at age 65.

We had a wonderful time, and I will have a number of things to share with you from that trip. Yes, a few photos and touring recommendations, and also short essays that come from a list I made while traveling called: Input:(restorative). I did not want to spend a lot of my time writing while in England, but I knew I wanted to be in touch with the writer in me. So as we moved around that lovely country, as we interacted in our daily adventures, as we made mistakes, as we celebrated successes, I made a list of things I learned and want to remember.

Future blogs will be from this Input "manuscript" of mine, but in this blog, I just want to show up and to let you know that while I was in London, Noel Bell, a psychotherapist there, recorded 2 podcasts with me:

"What is Codependency?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z164_aDHj6E&t=298s

 "Working Therapeutically with Codependency"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHRHsDr4_l8&t=18s


What a very fine souvenir to bring home with me ~ professional interviews with a colleague interested in codependency. Thank you Noel.

I am bringing them home to you, too.



Codependence Camp, Spring 2017 at Vine Cottage in Natural Bridge, VA




Yes, let it be said that Codependence Camp has happily landed at Vine Cottage on the Forest Oaks Estate in Natural Bridge, VA, USA! After a decade of successful Camps in Abingdon, VA, we have moved to this new location. Like most change, this move - which was prompted by the sale of the house we used all of those years - had its challenges and invited us to practice many of the tools we teach at Camp: flexibility, patience, open-mindedness, creativity, faith, cooperation, and mindfulness.

We have just completed our 22nd Camp which was on Detaching, Energy, Family Influences, and Fun. What a wonderful group of campers, sharing their personal stories as they wish and asking good questions which keep us all on this continuing journey to a Healthy Self.

Yes, that is what Camp is all about: cultivating Your Healthy Self.

Curious about our content? Some of our core work is at my website here. Go to downloads and you can see our little "camp manual" entitled Your Healthy Self: Skills for Working with Codependent Behaviors.

Curious about what else Camp can offer ? Drop me a note through Contact on this website, and I will be glad to answer your questions.


Next Camp: September 29 - October 1, 2017 at Vine Cottage. Topics include Energy, Conflict Resolution, and Grief.

New and Improving! Yes, I am working on new and improving me, and often I am progressing well. I hope that is true for you, too.

Today this New and Improving is also referring to my website. It is quite new and improving thanks to the crafty, talented work of my daughter, Grace, who Monty and I just visited in Chicago.

So what's new?

Under Events and Workshops you will find a tab for Archived Events which now contains my NAADAC Webinar in May, 2016, a 2-hour presentation I did for the Farley Center in Williamsburg, VA in April, 2016, and a radio interview done in Richmond, VA in 2008 as Disentangle was evolving.

Then you will see a tab for Upcoming Events. I will be listing my workshops, presentations, and Codependence Camp there. When you open up the date, click on the event title for more information about that event. And that calendar is linked to Google calendar, so if you use Google calendar, you can easily add it to your calendar.

Additionally, I am loading 50+ more blogs under the Blog tab. These blogs date back to 2011 when Central Recovery Press first published Disentangle. I am so excited to have all of my blogging here in one place. The posting of these additional blogs is underway, so keep checking back for more.

I will keep you updated as we add a few more things to this website which is increasingly rich in content from my work. So if you can't come to Virginia to be in a workshop or Camp, you can get much of my material here in my on-line center.

I am an older dog learning new tricks, and I can honestly say I am very pleased with how this is all electronically coming together. This process invites me to study what I have done and said, learn more as I go, and happily offer it to you.



Wild flowers arrive.
My healing room is complete.
All I need is here.
On June 13, 2016 I had total right hip replacement. I had been needing this surgery for a good while. The osteoarthritis in that hip had become "severe" and my physical mobility was tiny.

Now on the healing side of things, I am understanding how much my emotional mobility and health was also affected by that condition, how limited and low my emotional state was. People are telling me how good I look. In talking about that, we are determining that yes, I am more rested now, but also they are clear with me that they saw my stress and unhappiness from my pain and restricted condition.

This is such a living testimony to the importance of remembering that our total health is a product of our physical, emotional, thinking, and spiritual parts.

As my healing progressed, haiku often came to me, capturing these various aspects of my self as I went through my surgery and recovery:

I watch people walk.
Embarrassed by my envy,
I am a cripple.

I have arrived at
Planet Anesthesia.
Letting go. Take off. 

 "I feel discouraged."
The nurse smiles at me and says,
"It's just 9am."

He gets me up and
to the bathroom. Benefits
of years together.

 She sleeps on my chest,
her purr radiating down
in my healing bones.

 What is it with shame?
It irrationally keeps 
us from care we need.

 Each day is so still.
Stopping completely brings it
into awareness.

Freed from the walker,
the cane and I proceed on
down the road to strength.

I just want to walk.
I want to walk to the sea
like Mr Gandhi.

 It is a balance
of trust, patience, and action:
healing essentials.



Today, May 18, 2016 at 3pm (ET), my work will be given the opportunity for a national forum thanks to the National Association for Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors (NAADAC) here in the US.

Last November they selected my presentation for a webinar entitled Your Healthy Self: Skills for Working with Codependent Behaviors. Those of you familiar with my work know that I created this electronic booklet in the summer of 2015 for the Virginia Summer Institute for Addiction Studies, and it has been available here on my website under Downloads for anyone's use.

Tomorrow I will be offering a 90 minute presentation on this work.To either attend the event or to look at it at a later time, here is the address: http://www.naadac.org/codependantbehaviors.

I have also been busy since this March converting this electronic booklet into a physical book. All year I have wanted to create what I am calling Nancy's "little book" which you can see above. As I am saying, it reads in 30 minutes and takes years to work. The book is $10.00 and is only available through me. I have not figured out how to move it out further yet, but if you are interested in a copy or more, let me know through this website and we will see what is possible.

The book, whether electronic or paper, is to be both quick reference/quick study and fun in its simultaneously introductory and comprehensive ways. I believe that cultivating our healthy self can be the same: both studied and fun.

I hope you will take a look at my "little book" in any of these ways - the webinar, this website, the paper book - and see what may be useful for you.