Yesterday I was at the Carolinas Conference on Addiction & Recovery here in Morganton, NC. A town located at the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains of western North Carolina, the setting is as inspiring as the collection of presenters and professionals drawn together by the dedicated organizer of this event, Jim Van Hecke. Our lunch keynote speaker was William Cope Moyers whose position at Hazelden has him working in public policy on addictions. He also has a recently released ...
Touring around with My Life as a Border Collie: Freedom from Codependency certainly provides me with many opportunities to talk with others about the book and to imagine various ways the book could be used: individually, in book clubs, for group study, for radio interviews, for conference keynote speaking – are some of the ideas that have been generated through conversations. Just the other night at Fountain Bookstore in Richmond, VA this type of inspiring conversation happened ...
In November, I presented a session at the Carolinas Conference on Addiction and Recovery in Morganton, NC. My session was entitled “Working with Codependent Behaviors: Guiding Lights to Recovery.” I had excellent participants in my session, most were professionals in the field of addiction, many likely in recovery. As we began, I asked why they selected this session on codependency and what they hoped to get out of it. Most responses were client related with desires to learn how to ...
Yes, for the most part, it is easier to talk about dogs than codependency. But I created this challenge when I decided to put these two topics together in My Life as a Border Collie. Last night was more a night for talking about the dogs than for talking about codependency, though frankly I never really know what comes from the many conversations I have been blessed to have with people who stop at my book table and talk – often personally. With my book table set up right inside the entrance ...
There is little doubt about it: people do not like the word “codependence.” It did not take the book tour for me to know this. Our fields of mental health and addictions don’t even know what to do with the term or, more importantly, with the constellations of behaviors that are involved in codependency. It is not unusual for people to associate it with blame, shame, and illness. I am so sorry for these meanings and am offering what I can to help people move past the word and look at themselves ...
I talk about living in the gray very often to my clients. Codependent behaviors can present in an all-or-nothing/black-or-white/now-or-never fashion: either we all go or none of us goes; either we re-do the entire room or forget the whole thing; either I stay at work until everything is completed or I put things off until I can do them completely. I have highlighted the extreme words above, because my experience with my codependent behaviors is that if I am not working my program, I ...
Last night I did a book reading and discussion at the Eleventh Step Book Store in Westmont, NJ. This is a recovery bookstore that has been in operation for over 20 years. The owners, Mae and Ray, greeted me warmly and enthusiastically. I could not help but notice the many other CRP books displayed invitingly on their shelves which are full of carefully selected books for recovery. Mae ...
On the Road with Grace Yesterday I had no book events. That was intentional on the part of the planners of this grand tour. They wanted to give me a day off in the middle of all that I have been doing. So here in Philadelphia in a lovely hotel in the historic district, I was able to have some precious unscheduled time for me. Challenged yet again by my border collie eagerness ...
Book events can be challenging for the self. Yes, it is flattering and exciting to be sitting at a table as The author of This book. Sometimes people even reinforce these feelings by coming up to the table to congratulate me on being published, to meet an author, or to ask what it’s like to write a book. And then there is the self-exposed side of things, the vulnerability that ...
Oriole Field at Camden Yards, Baltimore, MD, USA Here’s another quick blog from the road. This time literally from the road, as Grace, my daughter and traveling companion, is driving and I am writing on a legal pad here in the passenger seat. I was part of a charming book reading Friday night at Breathe Books in Baltimore, MD. Hosted by Susan Weis-Bohlen, owner, ...
The White House, Washington, DC, USA Here is a quick blog from the road. As you can tell by the photos on the Facebook page for My Life as a Border Collie: Freedom from Codependency, I am on a book tour. Yesterday I was at the Barnes & Noble at Union Station in Washington, DC. I was hosted so well by that store, and we all felt that the book event was ...
As you know from my previous blog, I am sharing with you some of the content from our last two Codependence Camps on understanding the deeper roots of our codependent behaviors. Attachment theory provides some useful information that can help us to understand our vulnerability to codependency. Attachment theory in psychology originates with the seminal work of John ...
This coming week-end I will be facilitating our 15th Codependence Camp along with my colleague, Margaret Cress, LMFT. We offer this Camp twice each year. The curriculum for the Camp began with my Disentangle work and has evolved as the participants have evolved and also as our knowledge about codependency has evolved. A year ago as Camp was ending, it was clear ...
September 21, 2012 Several years ago I was presenting my Disentangle material at a conference on addiction and recovery. My session was full with around 30 participants. As we started the session, I asked the participants to give me some comments about why they had chosen to attend my session. Several hands went up right away. The first man I called on said, “I am here, because the primary reason for relapse is codependence.” A number of people nodded and agreed. This man worked in a treatment ...
Here is my third blog in this series supporting the work laid out by Dan Griffin and Rick Dauer in their article Rethinking Men and Codependency in the Addiction Professional. In that article, they name nine relational skills they believe are essential to healthy codependency recovery for men including conflict resolution, emotional expression, healthy boundaries, and self-care. As in my past blogs, my comments which follow are offered for both men and women. I agree with all of ...
This is the second in three blogs responding to the article in Addiction Professional on Rethinking Men and Codependency. In my previous blog, I cited three points with which I resonate. The second point here is the role of socialization in the origins of codependent behaviors. In their article, Griffin and Dauer focus on codependency in men as an expression of their socialization based on gender. They look specifically at relational cultural theory emphasizing how men are ...
August 22, 2012 I am often looking for articles on codependency whether on the internet, in conference programs, or new books and articles. Just last week I opened the on-line Addiction Professional magazine to find an article on Rethinking Men and Codependency. It is an interesting article with thought, theory, and treatment recommendations. I am pleased every time I see that others understand the importance of this topic to both recovery and to good mental health and good relationships. There ...
April 27, 2012 Please know that these blogs are but brief looks at material that is covered in numerous books and articles. My intent here is to just keep pointing us all in directions that will increase our self-understanding and potential for healthy changes in our lives. I will be sharing the names of resources as we go along for you to explore further just as I am doing. I ...
April 20, 2012 You have read my blogs and tweets from Codependence Camp. After our last Camp earlier in April, I decided to blog about some of the things we are learning at Camp, but first, a bit about Camp. Codependence Camp occurs in a bed-and-breakfast setting in southwest Virginia. It is the home of my close colleague and friend, Margaret. Camp occurs twice a year, and we have ...
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